Netflix Presents Tom Clancy’s John Krasinki

John Krasinki is big strong man, big strong muscles with big strong brain as well. He smile at ladies, he feed a dog, he know which way is up and aren’t afraid of no dragons neither!

Netflix make a lot of real movies and not just on little computer screen, on big big movie screen too. That’s where I watch a big big movie Netflix Presents Tom Clancy’s John Kransinki!

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John Krasinki hero go on his computer just like Tom Clancy say to do and he find Arab Man Muslim Man Middle Eastern Man Bad Bad Bad got Big Bad Plan to blow up U.S. America the sky and the trees!

John Krasinki say no no can’t have this no more we gotta stop we gotta break we already go to the moon and back and everything.

John Krasinki he go on plane he bring his jetpack and his parachute along just in case. John Krasinki think of everything.

John Krasinki Plane land in hot sand desert very very hot and bad. Lots of stranger everywhere, and all the pretty ladies gotta wear special hat that make them real real ugly and John Krasinki sad sad sad.

“Why you do it pretty lady?” John Krasinki ask and a snake bit him and that make John Krasinki so mad!! “That last straw – it go time,” he say with piece of floss.

Now it butt kick time you heard the man let’s go!! Bang bang bang all the guns go hot and loud and John Krasinki fight every strong man and win! Except for big strong Travolta in evil eye makeup and special face coloring that make him look like One Of Those.

Big strong Travolta is Big Bad Guy of Netflix Presents Tom Clancy’s John Krasinki you will know him when you see you see. He final boss and last serpent John Krasinki must kill. And boy he go down strong it take a long time. Many scenes and sequences.

Krasinki wake up in the morning clock say “Travolta not dead.” Krasinki say “What? I’m gone back to bed.” Clock say “Time to get up, the day has begun,” and Krasinki toss and turn and clock say “It’s now eight! You’ll be late!” Krasinki sit up and give clock a good tap and then say to special wife who come for sex “We should fix that clock. Maybe then it won’t speak.”

Krasinki track undead Travolta down to special serious complex out in deep dark sea. Krasinki go on boat with little sailor hat and he as cute as can be! He showin off and dancin and cheesin just like big strong man always do.

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Mind to you, Travolta got best of lines, some one that make me smile real big like:

“If I want your sleazy opinion I’ll beat it out of you!”

“If you keep looking at me, you’re going to see me kill you!”

“It’s nice to see you again Krasinki. I take great gratification introducing your entrails to your outsides.”

“What is it? Did you step on a slug? Swallow a fly?”

“Ladies and Gentlemen. Dying time’s here! You hear that KRASINKI? You’re going down!”

And so and so and well and well big explosion loud loud ending come on secret water base in sea of black where Travolta hang out with henchmen stupid idiots. John Krasinki got the bazook, got the blast, take ‘em all down and look cool with sunglasses blastin those baddies hoo hoo.

Travolta plan to blow a few planes is over and done after Krasinki blast ‘em all away and kill of Travolta with a cigarette bad for you and dead.

But hear the big twist and secret: Krasinki find out he have amnesia. Travolta’s dying words are these: “He’ll be remembering his previous identity by lunchtime.” Krasinki find out he not really Krasinki at all, he actually even bigger stronger man name Jack Ryan! Wow wow wow!

Jack Ryan feel pretty cool and great, no nosebleed ever before, and ready to come back with sequel every day of the year.

TL;DR – Wow John Krasinki boom boom yeah! Big gun, big strong muscles, big strong man!

What the rest of the critics are saying:

“Tom Clancy is back, baby! And he’s better than ever!” – Eric D. Snider, EricDSnider.com

“Netflix Presents Tom Clancy’s John Krasinki succeeds by spinning a suspenseful, big budget adventure around terrorism around the blandness hero in the business.” – Bugger Cruz, LRM

“Krasinski lends an ineffective charisma to the character of Krasinki through sheer presence alone.” – Anthony Lane, The New Yorker

“This movie is extremely racist and very bad.” – Najwa Aryani, The Intercept

“The Tom Clancy name will cut through the clutter and polished production values and the solid Krasinski should help viewers choose this Oreo, even if it’s only sometimes appreciably better than the store-brand sandwich cookie.” – Tom Dixey, Vulture

“This review contains spoilers, click expand to view.” – Mervyn Shang, Ain’t It Cool News

“Another solid installment of a classic action franchise.” – Padme Mutia, Colorado Springs Gazette

“Netflix has perfectly reimagined Clancy for modern audiences. They certainly couldn’t have found a better actor to play him.” – Giddie Gertie Arbogast, MTV

“Tom Clancy better take it into space next time, I swear!” – Clark Peeper, Inverse

Melonmeter® Score:

87% liquid & seed retention – watermelon_icon_pitr-1979px CERTIFIED JUICY™

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