Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

Skato Webbert (Chris Pratt) returns to fight dinos once again in this sequel to 2015’s reboot of the Jurassic Park franchise. But this time, Skato isn’t just fighting dinos, he’s using dinos to fight other dinos. And the results couldn’t be more awesome.

Jurassic World ended with the revelation that present-day dinos are actually extremely advanced organic machines built by madman industrialist Yuri Bosco (Udo Kier). Skato ended up saving the day in Jurassic World by feeding Bosco to one of his own creations, Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom pretty much picks up where the prior movie left off.

The technology to build fearsome and destructive dinos has been revealed to the world, and the Ford Motor Company is determined to make sure they’re Built Ford Tough. Due to his firsthand experience dealing with dinos in the first movie, Ford hires Skato Webbert to deal with an accident that occurs when one of their prototypes goes haywire.

I think Ford may have paid some hefty product placement fees to Comcast Universal for this movie because Skato delivers the new catchphrase “Damn, these dinos are Built Ford Tough!” early in the movie and then repeats the line every five minutes or so throughout the running time. Other characters also shout variants of the same catchphrase. Luckily, other than the catchphrase and the Ford logos branded prominently on the skin of each dino, the Ford product placement is not too distracting overall.

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Of course no dino movie would be complete without a meddling villain, and Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom has quite the doozy in Stacy Jaret (Jim Parsons), the Director of the Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA). Nosy, needle-necked Stacy uses his bureaucratic prerogatives as OSHA director to stick his needle nose into Ford Motor Company’s dino division where it doesn’t belong.

Ironically, its OSHA’s onerous regulations as enforced by Stacy Jaret that causes the dinos to escape warehouse captivity and slip into the streets where they wreak all kinds of havoc. But Skato Webbert is on the case, and you better believe he chases down those dinos with the 2018 Ford EcoSport. The 2018 Ford EcoSport is specifically designed to outrun dinos, a fact that is explained at length by Claire Daring (Bryce Dallas Howard) in her only line in the movie. But Skato doesn’t even listen, he just makes out with her and then gets back to doing what he does best: defeating dinos.

Soon, Skato launches an audacious plan to use the most well-trained dinos left in Ford’s warehouse to battle the disobedient dinos who escaped captivity. That’s right, it’s dino-on-dino action for the rest of the movie, and trust me when I tell you these dinos know how to fight.

When the bad dinos are defeated, the survivors discover that they were built using technology developed by evil aliens known as the taijyu. The virtuous dinos who stayed loyal to Ford descend from a different technology invented by a fallen race of aliens known as the yeujars. Skato Webbert finds out the taijyu and the yeujars are about to come to earth for a showdown, so he better get to work training the dinos for another great big fight. Jurassic World 3 is just around the corner.

TL;DR Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is dino movie magic at its very best, with some valuable lessons for the audience about the dangers of government regulation and the necessity of buying a 2018 Ford EcoSport.

What the rest of the critics are saying:

“The dinos are back, baby! And they are Built Ford Tough!” – Eric D. Snider, EricDSnider.com

“This is the dino movie to beat all dino movies.” – Najwa Arwani, What the Flick?!

“Whether he’s wrangling good dinos or driving an SUV to outrun bad dinos, Chris Pratt does it all with humor and charm.” – Joan Bang, ArtsHub

“I was scared those dinos were going to eat me!!” – Pete Hammond, Deadline

“The 2018 Ford EcoSport seems like the type of car I want to buy. I think I will buy it right now.” – Pie Corbett, USA Today

“Director Baye J. Rowena skillfully introduces two new alien races (the taijyu and the yeujars) into the Jurassic World franchise mythos.” – Andrea Gronvall, Chicago Reader

“The post-credits scene featuring Ford CEO James Hackett must be seen to be believed!” – Dian Maulana Rizki II, Austin Chronicle

Melonmeter® Score:

87% liquid & seed retention – watermelon_icon_pitr-1979px CERTIFIED JUICY™

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