Ghost in the Shell is one of the most embarrassing misfires of the year so far. I don’t know who thought it would be a good idea to set an entire movie inside the shell of a walnut, but that person should definitely be fired or demoted at the very least. Oh, and (spoiler alert) the big dumb twist is that the walnut is actually inside of a chestnut, which is inside of a peanut, and the peanut is actually inside of a pistachio nut. (It’s an all natural white pistachio nut, but who cares.) By the time Major (Mike Myers) and the other good guys escape to the real world through the opening in the pistachio nut, you’ll be yawning as much as I was, trust me.
I’m especially disappointed with Ghost in the Shell because I was very excited for Mike Myers’ triumphant return to the big screen following a lengthy nine year absence. Though I agree with the internet commentators who say it was wrong to cast Mike Myers to play the young Japanese female lead role, I thought Myers’ unmistakable star power and charisma would win out in the end. Unfortunately, I had trouble suspending disbelief and found Myers’ attempt at a Japanese accent to be very offensive.
Certain elements of Ghost in the Shell are worth praising. The production design was inventive and the fight choreography held my interest. The movie clearly expresses a unique point of view and thematic vision. You get the sense that there’s an overarching metaphor at work beneath all the fast-paced action and dialogue: we are all nuts, or to put it another way, everything is nuts. But the emotional impact of that message is lost because not a single character is identifiably human enough for us to root for or connect with on a deeper level.
TL;DR – It was very hard to connect on emotional level with Major Motoko Kusanagi (Mike Myers) and her friends in their struggle to escape the shells of various nuts nested within one another.
What the rest of critics are saying:
“I’m truly flabbergasted by the ill conceived concept of this big budget sci-fi action movie.” – Dian Maulana Rizki II, Austin Chronicle
“I’m glad they didn’t try to simply replicate the successful elements of the original movie and manga on which [Ghost in the Shell] is based.” – Eric D. Snider, EricDSnider.com
“There’s casting actors against type, and then there’s casting Mike Myers in an iconic young Japanese female role.” – Nono Nono, indieWIRE
“Though resisting the urge to play it safe with a remake is laudable, setting the entire movie within nutshells strained my imaginative faculties too far.” – Walter Chaw, Film Freak Central
“I felt such shame and embarrassment for the entire cast and crew except for Myers. For him, I felt only white hot uncontrollable rage.” – Emily Yoshida, Vulture
“I have so many questions for Rupe Sanders, who apparently directed this very bad and stupid movie.” – Ichro Faisyal, Los Angeles Times
“I thought it was a great idea to bring Mike Myers back in a such a daring, unconventional role far outside his usual wheelhouse of broad, outlandish comedies. Little did I know Ghost in the Shell would turn out to be Myers’ funniest movie since Wayne’s World.” – Legs Lavish, New York Observer
14% liquid & seed retention – ALMOST NO JUICE OR SEEDS AT ALL, BARELY EVEN A CANTALOUPE, DON’T TRUST YOUR GROCER IF HE HANDS YOU THIS™